


Give Yourself to the Future

by RushingHeadlong



Category: Queen (Band), Smile (Band)
Genre: 1984 (Band), Friendship, Gen, Pre-Queen (Band), Pre-Smile (Band), Recreational Drug Use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-14 04:07:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29412393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RushingHeadlong/pseuds/RushingHeadlong
Summary: After Brian’s last show with 1984, Tim has to figure out his own plans for the future.
Relationships: Brian May & Tim Staffell
Comments: 3
Kudos: 11
Collections: Tim Staffell Appreciation Weekend 2021





	Give Yourself to the Future

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Tim Staffell Appreciation Weekend 2021. Title from “What Is - Is What” by Morgan.
> 
> Set on December 23, 1967 which was reportedly Brian’s last show with 1984. According to some sources Tim stuck with the band for another eight or so months, before forming Smile with Brian in the early fall of 1968. This is really just a little snapshot of Tim and his friendship with Brian before Smile is really in the picture at all.

Tim ducks out the back of the building while Brian is still saying goodbye to the rest of the guys in 1984. Despite his polite and almost apologetic tone the guitarist had made it clear that this was to be his last show with the band and he’s certainly going out of his way to drive that point home now. 

It’s stupid. The whole thing is so fucking _stupid_. Brian can’t really think that he’s never going to speak to Dave and the others again after tonight, but he’s still in there acting like this is the last time he’s ever going to see any of them. Hell, this isn’t even the last show that 1984 is going to play together! Just because _Brian_ is throwing in the towel, doesn’t mean the rest of them have to call it quits - a fact which almost irritates Tim as much as Brian leaving does. 

He digs his pack of cigarettes out of his pocket and eyes the joint tucked among the fags for a moment, but he leaves it be for now. The cigarette he lights doesn’t do quite enough to calm the storm of thoughts rattling around in his mind, but it at least gives him something to focus on besides the muffled sounds of conversation in the building behind him.

It’s only a few short minutes, though, before the door is thrown open and a loud burst of laughter disturbs Tim’s peace for the split-second it takes before the door is slammed shut again.

“Hey. I was wondering where you went.”

Tim doesn’t turn around at the sound of Brian’s voice. He grunts out a wordless greeting when Brian takes a seat on the steps next to him, but otherwise just keeps sucking on his cigarette and staring out down the dark alley in front of him. 

“You alright?” Brian asks him. “Not overthinking the show again, are you?”

“What’s there to overthink?” Tim grumbles. “We’re a covers band. We played the covers, and the audience didn’t hate it. Can’t ask for more.”

Brian raises an eyebrow at that response. “And you’re mad about that? Tim, you’re a few years too late to be annoyed about 1984 being a covers band.”

“I’m not annoyed about that,” Tim says, but they both know that he is. Tim has always been irritated by the constraints of 1984 - the reluctance of the others to play the new songs that Brian and Tim have written and the drudgery of playing someone else’s music have been sticking points for him since the beginning. 

"If it bothers you, you can always join another band," Brian tells him. 

It's a comment that he's made many times over the last few years, usually jokingly when Tim gets a little too high and a little too whiny about his opinions about the band. Now that Brian himself is leaving 1984, though, the joke falls flat and Tim's answering silence hangs heavily between them. 

After a few moments Brian sighs and says, "Tim. You really don't have to stay with 1984, if you don't want to."

Tim takes one last drag off his cigarette and stubs out the butt on the step next to him, before flicking it out into the alley. "Where would I even go, if I left the band?"

"Anywhere you want," Brian says. "Pick up a copy of Melody Maker and start combing through ads in the back until you find something."

"There's nothing interesting in there these days," Tim says. “And ‘sides, I don’t have the patience for all that auditioning.”

“Then what do you have the patience for?” Brian asks. “What do you really want here?”

That’s the real question, isn’t it?

Tim wants to be a musician. That he is absolutely sure about. His graphics degree has only ever been a back-up plan to him, and one that he hopes that he’ll never have to use. But as much as he’s enjoyed his time with 1984 he knows that this band isn’t going anywhere, and now that Brian has left the days are certainly numbered for the rest of them. 

And if Tim is being honest, that’s a large part of his simmering irritation tonight. It’s bad enough that Brian’s departure is enough to send the band down a slow death spiral, but even worse than that is the fact that Tim doesn’t care about what happens with 1984 at all. He doesn’t want to stay here, singing lead for a covers band that’s lucky if they can get everyone together for two gigs a month - he just wants to keep playing with _Brian_ , specifically.

He’s watched Brian’s talent grow over the last few years and he _knows_ what the two of them could be capable of together, if they were only in the right band. But with Brian seemingly stepping out of music now, Tim doesn’t know where that leaves him to go from here.

"Why are you leaving the band?" Tim asks out of the blue, rather than answering Brian's own question. 

He feels Brian glance at him in confusion, but Tim doesn't look over at him to catch his eyes. "I need to focus on my studies," Brian says slowly. "With my graduation in the spring and then starting my doctorate research, I'll hardly have time for the band anymore."

"So you're just going to stop playing forever, is that it?" Tim presses. "That's what's going to make you the happiest?"

"Why are we talking about me all of a sudden? Wasn’t this supposed to be about your plans?" Brian asks. There's a hint of tension in his voice and maybe that should be a warning for Tim to back off - but then again, he's never really been one to listen to warnings like that. 

"Because I want my plans to involve _you_ ," Tim tells him, and he hears Brian let out another sigh next to him. "So if you're just doing this to make your dad happy-"

"Tim, that's not fair-"

"-then maybe I could talk you into joining another band with me or something," Tim continues quickly, talking over Brian before the guitarist can gain any momentum with his protestations. "Because I can't believe that you're just going to walk away from all of this. You built your own fucking guitar and, what, you're just going to shove it in a closet now and call it quits?" Tim shakes his head. "No. Fuck that."

"I'm not going to have time for this anymore," Brian says again, but he sounds less sure of that now - like he's trying to convince himself of that fact as much as he's trying to convince Tim. "I'd just be holding any band I'm with back-"

"Bullshit," Tim snaps. "You've made time for 1984 for years now. If you care about the music, you'll make it work. But if you really don't care about that anymore..." Tim sighs, and offers up a small shrug. "Then fine. I'll slog through the ads in Melody Maker until I find a new group to join, I guess."

It’s not an idea that Tim is particularly thrilled about, but what else can he do? He wasn’t kidding when he said that he doesn’t have the patience for the process of auditioning for new bands but if Brian is determined to set aside his guitar for good then Tim doesn’t have any other choice here. He’ll make it work, like he’s always made things work for him - but that doesn’t mean that he’ll be happy about it.

Brian doesn’t say anything at first and after a moment Tim decides, to hell with being sober, and pulls the joint out of his pack of cigarettes. Brian wrinkles his nose in a silent complaint as Tim lights it up but they’ve been friends for long enough now that Brian keeps his comments to himself when Tim smokes, though he’s made it perfectly clear over the years that he’d prefer if Tim didn’t. 

Tim can respect that and he makes sure that he never ends up high enough that he’s non-functional when he’s around Brian. So he only takes a few hits, just enough to start to feel that heavy buzz settle over his mind and his senses, before he stubs the joint out - and just as he’s tucking the rest of it away, Brian finally speaks. 

“I still care about music,” Brian says quietly. “And I don’t want to give it up forever, but I still have to focus on my schoolwork next term and then once I graduate I’m leaving the country for a few weeks for my research and... And it’s just not a good time for me to be in a band.”

Tim bites down on the all the mean and unwarranted comments that he could make and instead just says, “Yeah, I get that. But that doesn’t mean you can’t join a band again later.”

Brian sighs. “I mean, yeah, maybe- maybe next summer or something, when I get back from the research trip, I’ll be ready to join a new group,” he says. “But I can’t make any promises, Tim. I’m sorry.”

There’s an idea starting to prickle at the back of Tim’s mind, the vague semblance of a plan that could either be genius or the sort of idiocy that only seems good because Tim is high. He decides to take a chance with it, though, and so he shakes his head and says, with a calculated sort of casualness, “Nah, don’t be sorry. It’s good that I know this now so I can figure out my own plans, y’know?”

“Yeah,” Brian says after a beat of hesitation. “Yeah, of course.”

But there’s a note of disappointment in his voice at TIm’s quick capitulation that speaks volumes to what he’s really feeling here. Brian can be a stubborn bastard, but sometimes he digs in on the wrong things - and if you push him just right, he’ll cave and change his plans to do the things he _really_ wants. 

Tim’s seen it happen more than once and he would bet his new bass that that’s exactly what’s going to happen here. Maybe not tonight, maybe not right away, but give it seven or eight months - enough time for Brian to get back from that research trip and for his itch for music to return - and Tim thinks he can get him to agree to start another band. 

He’ll have to play a long game here, but that’s alright. It’ll be worth it in the end, if he can get Brian into a _proper_ band, one where they can play their own music and finally go places that 1984 could never dream of reaching. 

“What do you think your plans will be?” Brian asks. “I mean, if I’m not in the picture.”

_If_. With that single word and the little bit of uncertainty it leaves open, Brian has shown his entire hand. 

Tim grins lazily at Brian, and the only thing stopping it from turning smug is the weed muddling his thoughts and smoothing out the rough edges of his expression. “I dunno yet. Stick with 1984 until I find something better, I guess. There’s worse things I could do than keep playing covers for a bit longer.”

“True.” Brian glances at Tim out of the corner of his eye. “So why do I get the feeling that you have something else up your sleeve, though?”

Tim gives him the best _Who, me?_ expression that he can manage. “I dunno what you’re talking about,” he says, all lies and faux-innocence. 

Brian sees through the act immediately, but apparently he’s not in a mood to push Tim on it tonight. “Yeah, I’m sure you don’t,” he says as he stands up. He stretches out, groaning lowly as his spine cracks with a loud _pop_ , before he reaches down to offer Tim a hand up. 

Tim takes it and lets Brian pull him to his feet. He feels his slight high more acutely now that he’s forced to move and he sways for a moment as his body momentarily struggles to adjust to its new equilibrium. 

“You alright there?” Brian asks.

“Yeah, ‘m fine.” Tim blinks slowly, trying to get his eyes to focus a bit better, and laughs quietly when that makes no difference whatsoever. “Hey, can I still crash at your place tonight?”

“Of course,” Brian says, without even a second of hesitation. “I’m not going to make you try to get back to Teddington at this hour and you’re in this state.”

Tim grins at him and reaches up to pat his cheek. “Aw, you do care,” he teases. 

He’s expecting Brian to laugh and tease him back with some quip about Tim being ridiculous when he’s this high, but instead he gently grabs Tim’s hand from his face and gives it a small squeeze as he says, “I _do_ care. And that’s not gonna change just because I’m leaving the band.”

“I know,” Tim says. His grin softens a little and he adds, “You couldn’t get rid of me if you wanted to, anyway.”

Brian does laugh at that, and with that Tim knows that they’re going to be okay. Maybe there is something of an ending happening here - but it’s not an ending of _them_ , and if Tim has his way it won’t be an ending to their music either. If he can just hang on a few more months with 1984, be patient just a little bit longer, and he knows that there’ll be a brighter beginning waiting for them both at the end of it all.


End file.
